my throat hurts...very badly---as if I didn't have an oily enough face---lesson of the day: make friends wiht talented people before they're dead---EW! your butt SUCKS!!!---it's hard to remember days from years
2006-09-11 @ 10:49 p.m.
It's been six days.
It's been five years.
Why the hell must time pass by so quickly?
Such a cliche, but whatever. It's extremely true.
Going back aaall the way to last Wednesday...
It was a pretty boring and very uneventful chapel. I think it's one of the true few times I have officially fallen asleep during the speech. A random lady, Ellen Cohen, talking about...something. Apparently she's running for state representatitive or...something. Not that I care. I'm actually turning into another one of those mindless uncaring and unknowing teenage brats (or maybe I've been too snobby to realize I've been one all along).
The main point is that I just have stopped caring. As some senior said last year about senioritis: "If it weren't an automatic function, my heart would stop beating-I'm that apathetic." Sooo me.
Academics, blah blah blah, field hockey was the same old stuff, and Mom picked me up late on time, I went home, you know! I have a boring life, I know it's horrible that I must write about it in detail for no reason at all, but I have to! I'm a loser.
Thursday! Heading toward the end of the week is always a damn good thing. Also having field hockey with JV somehow speeded it all up, just a bunch of conditioning at the start then random practice with Gillian since Coach Lyman was wherever. I was the only one on JV2 to actually know Gillian, but as far as I heard, the freshman didn't like her. Seriously, I have no idea why. I mean, she's not the TOTALLY MOST AWESOME PERSON EVA!! like the other JV2ers thought last year, but she's alright. Somehow the bitchy freshmen got the idea that she's a...whatever. Who knows what they're calling people now. Probably making up words or something. Little bitches. I really hate freshmen, this was just one of the final straws.
FRIDAY! Great day...the field hockey teams were all gone, leaving the school practically empty (of whores) and Kema left me and Elise to fend for ourselves. I hated being in class when a teacher would ask "Where's so-and-so?" and everyone's like "Field hockey" then someone random asks me "Wait...lyke, aren't you in field hockey?" Yes. Just, I have this thing, Confirmation, and it's kinda hard to reschedule.
But since Elise skipped the black meeting (okay, formally known as the African-American Affinity Group), I was not left completely alone at lunch, which would be nothing short of terrifying. A complete throwback to freshman year that I'd prefer never, ever happen.
After school, it was totally blissful to just not have any obligation, any time to be anywhere, just wander to the locker room, wander around, and when we found out Elise's volleyball practice was cancelled, wander outside in search of the hot Greenhill guy who was inexplicably in our training room earlier. I had not believed the rumors of his beauty, and it was my complete rotten luck to not actually see him, just his back, when Elise totally checked him out. And damn, we never found him.
Mom picked me up late of course, though I had a 4 PM drive time-FINAL DRIVING TEST-it didn't matter, she's always late, it's a necessity!
Michelle called when I was just leaving school, so I told her to go ahead with creepy Mr. Windland and do whatever driving before I got there at 4:30. We actually got there around 4:15, but I was so drop dead exhausted that I actually fell asleep to the beat of U2's "City of Blinding Lights" put on repeat by Ollieboo. I was sleeping! That slowed me down and I like to use it as my excuse for my shoddy driving. I made like TWO mistakes, stupid mistakes, like not going to the top at a U-turn, and something else...but I don't even remember much else! And I barely fucking pass with a 70! I should just be sufficiently glad I passed and can drive when I'm 16 and all, but it makes me so MAD. Safeway is total bullshit. They love talkative freak drivers who are perfect and are audible in their many clears and sniper calls. Damn them to fucking hell.
Well, if it's not a sin to be that mad and cursing out an hour before Confirmation...I don't care what is. I was in a horrible mood for Confirmation. HORRIBLE. I got ready in a huff, barely even tried, and just screwed my appearance up further. My hair was the same as it had been all day, maybe worse. A bit of lip gloss and a touch of mascara, I didn't give a crap. Nothing or nobody to look good for, after all. Or so I thought.
HA! Just kidding. There really was no one. Or should I say nooone.
We were supposed to be there at 6:15, so I showed up around 6:40. And eff Father Bill's rascist thing about other cultures getting there at 6:15-Michelle got there after me! Apparently she put in effort. Humph. My sponsor was still not there, the random Jennifer who is Mom's dietician and apparently Catholic friend. She eventually came, but not before I started freaking out and asking around for a cell phone and going crazy in general.
The ceremony was damn long and damn boring. Just rattarattaratta...if I was going to feel any deep change by the Holy Spirit, this wasn't helping.
And when we were up to receive the sacred chrism (which surprised me by taking place right after the homily..I really never listen to anyone, do I?), Cameron asked if I was excited. "I guess." My motto in life. I didn't feel that much different afterward. Maybe slightly more upbeat. That was probably just from seeing a bunch of people, friends included, and having insane amounts of cake (I wanted more, but they dragged me over to pictures then pushed me out for some goddamn girl scout photo-fuck them). I pretty much ignored my family and my sponsor aside from a few pictures and one with the bishop and Jennifer. Mimi was the only one offended, and I even had to make a make-up call Saturday that she drew out for half an hour. Crazy shit. I didn't even remember to INVITE Lina (but thank God for my Mom's family's short-term memory and attention-she'll never know if I don't tell...which I feel extremely guilty not doing) and Mimi's offended that I didn't stop to chitchat with her all night! The only part of the evening "worth it" for her was apparently talking with Bishop DiNardo, who also happens to be from Sioux City, Iowa. Wowzers.
The night was long, but still, only ended at 10:30ish, when Mom and I got home. I was going to have a nice Veronica Mars marathon, but that was weak...I only watched about one episode before nodding off and being awakened by a cartoon-hungry boy at 7:30 AM.
And here's my day: I went back to bed, made great efforts NOT to get up again for a while that paid off, and got up at 1 PM. Lumbered around, ate something (of course), went online for a couple of hours, then on the couch to read the newspaper. Aaand..back to sleep! For two hours, a blink of an eye. Then I was ready to stop, so I showered and got ready to go out to...NOWHERE! It was too "late" at 7:30 PM, and I'd had my chances. DAMMIT my car where are you...I need you...like I need a man...like I need a date...to homecoming...and cotillion. And so on.
So I stayed up late again, watched the SNL repeat, Mad TV, read the newspapers I'd been missing, and then settled in for another mad attempt at a VM marathon. It ended just two hours later. I spent another night on the couch and woke up at EXACTLY 10 AM, cursing that I'd missed 9 AM Mass and that Lina had just discovered me on the couch though she'd been at home for a while.
Instead of going to 11 AM, I put it off for Life Teen again (ew but necessary), and we went shopping. Did I mention I actually did some homework before midnight Sunday night? I did my Geometry Saturday, ultimate loser I am. But it was done. Like that kept me from spending all night Sunday doing work and goofing off and sleeping on top of my bed, causing myself a very, VERY bad hair day today. It dried like shit and poofed out like crazy, not kidding. It looked HORRIBLE. People exaggerate, but today people should've been asking me, "Uh, is it hideous outside?"
Lina and I went to the Galleria, and I totally went pyscho in Sephora, not only letting a makeup lady do my eyes, but getting all the stuff. A bunch of Bare Escentuals glimmer eye shadow and a few brushes, a tiny bag, and needless to say, nearly $100? I couldn't help myself! I know I sound like a bitch...BUT I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!!!
I COULD help myself when I found another gorgeous dress that would be so stunningly PERFECT for homecoming (if only I could lose like twenty pounds of fat on each side of me) and immediately stood out to me, like a pricey something always should. And what designer was it, but Laundry by Shelli Segal. My offical line, really. I may have never got that beautiful purple summery dress from Off Saks, but I still loved it, and I still have two others of her creations. I'm going for three. Now, where can I get $370?
I tried a 6 and felt a helluva lot better that it actually FIT! Very little tugging required on the zipper, hellz yeah!
It's a dark, black and navy blue long elegant dress, with a black top part with beading, then a long, flowy dark blue print coming out in layers, with smooth satin-ish underneath. It's wonderful. I love it. I need it. I want it. All the more reason I need a date to justify the dress.
After all the shopping with Lina, including getting Tricia some nicely age-appropriate slutty stuff, since she's going on 11 now (!!!), we went back home. I had for some crazy reason brought all my studying stuff with me, so I had to lug it all back in. And I kept trying to get started on studying earlier, but who knows, one thing led to another, and I got half a chem lab done before 5 PM rolled around.
Mass was even more challenging to put up with than usual, and I ran out after Communion. But thanks Mom for not answering either your cell or home! I finally called Dad in utter despair (more like anger really) and then she shows up. She and Ollie were playing tennis. Figures.
I had convinced Mom, even with my shitload of homework, for us to go to Buca di Beppo for dinner. And we went!! Surprise of the week. Double surprise: I drove there-ON THE FREEWAY. I was petrified, but Mom even admitted I'd done a pretty good job. A-m-a-zzzing.
So that wasted another good two hours, and then I had to work off at least just a little of all the antipasto salad, meatballs, and spaghetti I'd consumed, so I didn't actually start homework till like Monday. But I managed to fall asleep on the bed in my towels, hence the bad hair day, a pretty bad start to the week.
And today! It's still today..that's surprising. Dammit I got a fucking WHAP test tomorrow along with Frankenstein to read and impossibly geometry worksheet to do. Fuck it all.
So today's been a somewhat sobering day, yet too normal to really take it all in. Damn, it's been five years? I can still easily tell exactly where I was, what I was doing, what I was THINKING, when that all happened. And just a few hours ago, I got mesmerized and sucked into a special on PBS. Never fails to make me tear up. I still don't understand it...will we ever?
The regular routine disturbed my deeper thinking, I have to say. School ruins moments.
Monday morning, yikes. It's bull. I was late to advisory. That's a given. I failed my chem quiz miserably. Kinda another given. Spanish was boring and cold-but the clock was moved within sight! Brightened my day. Geometry was sufficiently creepy. Lunch...wet. And antsy. I didn't work on my article as I'd made myself promise. I'm a stupid bitch, I guess. English, I'd actually done the homework while at a full table of guys at study hall, the epitomy of awkwardness. I'd just sat with Lukmon and Edward randomly since the place was packed, but then Kyle sits down, with some other guy I can't remember the name of, then two freshmen! Sick, I know. So there I am, surrounded by these freaks. Lawson just over there...dammit, I should've just plopped down next to him. I'm officially an IDIOT.
Anyhoo, WHAP was all about the test tomorrow, which I'm obviously looking to fail, seeing as I'm typing like madman instead of rereading 300 pages of history. Great. Kema's probably called to quiz. I'm so horrible at this studying thing. I used to be a nerd, sorta, more like naturally smart and gliding by on it, but now I really do try a little, and I silently make fun of nerds. They're so smart. I'm so dumb. If only I were a slut too and could get a boyfriend or something.
My life sucks.
But 9-11 puts something in perspective-it could suck much worse.
Bubye!!!
