how can I trust my soul with people who steal pencils?---english is giving meaning to the meaningless
2006-08-31 @ 11:59 p.m.
Look at that, only three days! I amaze myself.
Is this even possible?
I guess not, I just forced it. I kinda still have two nights of WHAP to read (but I thought staring at the lit up computer would help me from dying on my textbook) and another body paragraph of that pesky Owen Meany paper to write for tomorrow. But who the hell cares? Tomorrow's Friday, it damn well better be a great day (anything following up today can beat the shit out of it). I'm hoping, crossing fingers desperately, that somehow I get from field hockey practice to the football game without much trouble. GO STH! Dad is kinda iffy on the letter jacket thing-"It's too HOT to wear a jacket!" DUDE, that's not the point! Whatever. And I also hope Michelle can somehow learn how to steal a car or ride the bus to my lovely school to visit. But I somehow doubt she'll put any effort into it, considering her boy toy is going to Japan or whatnot. I stop listening when he's mentioned. It's like in Charlie Brown-"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.."
Anyhoo! Going back to Tuesday...since I've been beyond sleep deprived all friggin week, I can't tell one groggy night from the other. Tuesday...I didn't do my history reading, which was kinda bad, considering we had an in-class essay on it that day. I did it at lunch...I think. It's all a sleepy blur. Like autopilot or something. Whatever happened? The only ways I have to distinguish Tuesdays, at least schoolwise, are by not having a study hall and spending next to eternity in chem. Also...uhh..I don't really know. Field hockey was alright...I think. I guess. Oooh! I DO, pathetically, solely remember in detail that I did my Spanish homework while I watched Nevermind the Buttocks for the thousandth time, then one of my favorite episodes (with which I'm currently obsessed-see "I Hear the Bells" by Mike Doughty) Look Who's Stalking. Of course, Dad, the mothership of contradictions, immediately jumped up to drag me home in the middle of the episode. I hurried him so I wouldn't miss the alterna-prom part. See what I've become? A mindless, sleepy, cursing, loner obsessive who just wants someone to love (specifically, Logan). What's WRONG with me?
Okay, enough with my favorite show. Third favorite. First favorite on a list of three-there.
I haven't run my usual forever-walk/run along the bayou and back cuz, frankly, I'm scared shitless. I always get to starting working out too late, so I wouldn't be getting home till ten. There are creepy stalkers and minorities in our neighborhood! I'd have not a single reservation about going out in the 'hood in frickin River Oaks all night long, but here? Soon enough, some creep will figure out my bizarre schedule and rape me and leave me in the bayou with my batteries on my Walkman running low, which is actually another reason I've been not running. Every three songs, it just stops, which can really ruin a poignant moment, ya know? Listening to "The Scientist", I REALLY don't wanna be disturbed. Much less BEEP! the sound of "lo batt".
Getting on to Wednesday...so lemme talk about these crazy mind games I play with myself. It's creepy and lame and completely pyscho, so I advise you to try not to understand why or how I do it. Or how I started. I just do. It's like, I make a deal with God, with our maker, with whoever's out there laughing at us little ants scrambling around like maniacs. I'm like, okay just do this, show me this, and then this will happen. Basically, I'm asking an unseen force to tell me the future. See what I mean about pyscho?
The stuff that's supposedly gonna happen has never happened, so I don't get why I still play the little game. Like I said...something's wrong with me. It may involve the sleeping. Or lack of.
I totally wanted to wear my hair cutesy half-pulled-back straightened (unfortunately, here is another example of my obsession with Veronica Mars) but I couldn't figure out how to do it right in the car, so I'm gonna try tomorrow. Like I'll even get up in time to straighten anything, it's friggin one AM. Damn.
So chapel was boring, as always. Elise really needs to switch into my advisory so she can be all near the object of her affections and I can switch the hell out. I tried to get away with kinda tilting my head and closing my eyes without looking obvious, but it was a lot easier in the VST. In the church, it takes mad skillz. I can only hope to sleep silently and unnoticed in chapel by my senior year.
Classes are always boring. Blah. Field hockey..thanks to a lonely crazy geometry teacher of ours who seems to not only think that we onyl have one class-geometry-but also that we have nowhere to go after school or during lunch, just like her..where was I going with this? Aw, nevermind. Hey, it's not our fault you obviously have no teacher friends or anybody to even be in the company of outside of that classroom. So she made us supremely late to practice-that was it!-and though I didn't realize it at the time, today I thought that maybe Coach Lyman was madder than we thought. Kema and I hardly played, and I don't even think I was bad enough to be kicked out that quickly. I did cause a corner shot...or whatever it is..but in the middle of a series of like twelve corner shots that the (DASH varsity head coach) "ref" was giving his own team. We played JV, and we totally won, 1-0. I don't know normal scores for field hockey, and if it's anything like lacrosse, then that score was extremely weirdly small. Though I didn't feel I had fully contributed to the little freshman and their little happy lives, at least we won. It's bad enough to be a fucking benchwarmer on a JV2 TEAM WITH ALL FRESHMAN. It's another to be that fucking benchwarmer on a team that sucks, meaning you suck even worse.
So on Wednesday..I had a crazy-elaborate plan to get everywhere, on time and ready. I had Confirmation whatever at STM, Mom had my parents' night, Dad had class, and stepdad had Ollie's parents day. Lina was working, Papa was in Sugar Land, and I believe Tio is getting his nose fixed in Peru. He he he. So stepdad took Ollie to parents night, and I'm sure he enjoyed THAT. They came by the church to watch us pray and be holy (if by pray and be holy you mean hand signal friends to ditch the place), but I sent them off so I could visit some teachers. They were just leaving, but we managed to have a wonderful chat with Mrs. Paniza and Mrs. Strausser about none other than...math (when did Mrs. Strausser become even slightly some-word-I-just-thought-of-but-then-forgot-in-my-sleepiness..about math?). Otherwise, we didn't get to see Ms. Hauser, our original pit stop, and it was beyond awkward to yell at Mrs. Smith to come back and talk to us. About...what now? Nothing, cuz we left. And went to get food. Good ol' food in Donovan's Den. I knew I'd regret it later, but I grabbed fistfuls of M&M's and a brownie. I wasn't even running! I friggin...played basketball or something. As I did today, except hopefully more intensely, cuz if a five-mile workout doesn't do much for me, half that will do less than shit. At least Mom finally got me a new jump rope to replace that one...that I don't remember at all.
I got a ride home with Michelle, though that is always strenuous on my health (as I'm sure it is on her mother's, as when she said "this is the last time" for me to get a ride-if only my "I give 200 rides to Michelle a year!" mother could hear her. I swear, they're so polar opposite, if they got within five feet or each other, BAM! Sparks would fly. I dunno what the eff I'm writing about, I'm kinda losing you...I'm guessing the WHAP reading is put off, once again, for tomorrow, I mean today. September! Holy mother, it's September! How is that possible!!!
I had tons of homework Wednesday. And it so didn't help when I overwent my time on my five-minute nap then ended up waking back up at 5 AM, unshowered and unhomeworked. I didn't get back into bed. I never got in. I hate those kind of days. And THAT'S why today sucked!
With the addition of double chem, a fire drill, no study hall, the longest effin class meeting ever, a geometry test, and a body paragraph to type, nothing went well today. I thought Wednesday sucked...then Thursday was sent to me. I cursed the gods.
I was horrible this morning, I admit it. But how would you feel if you got up two hours earlier than usual, doing HOMEWORK, and still got yelled at for not getting out faster and still arriving at advisory late. I always do that anyway..but still. The bell rang as I was walking in. Right on cue.
The only exciting part of the day (and it lasted less than a second)-lighting our hands on fire in chem. Do not try this at home..cuz as far as the fiery bubbles, I have no earthly idea what they are made of. Wet your hand up to the wrist, scoop up bubbles, and light it. BOOM! Flash! One big flame and you've got a warm hand. Wondrous, huh?
Geometry test...ugh, forgot all the fill-in-the-blanks cuz I see math as such a different language, I never remember the techinical terms.
Lunch was hectic. The stupid meeting took THIRTY minutes, not friggin TEN, and we barely had enough time to grab food and chow down before heading off to type my paper, ECOS club meeting, and going across to get the gym bag. SO not my day. Thank God we very purposefully skipped another pep rally.
Blah blah blah, sleepiness, a mininap inbetween WHAP and Review, blah blah, no homework done cuz there was nothing short-term to be done, as far as I could see it. I can only do easy-ish written work at school, not reading anything and NOT studying for anything. Dunno why.
Field hockey! So we had our first game at Duchesne. I saw Emily, actually, she saw me first and I had no idea where she was, which kinda scared me. She pops out of the preschool-age library and oh my God I'm so exhausted I can't even figure out what the hell I'm typing anymore. If I go back and read this sometime, it'll look either hilarious or like a stoner's writing. Wonderful.
One last Veronica Mars obsession-"I Hear the Bells"!
Do you hear them?
Bubye!!!
